Friends, I can’t even lie. I was crushed after my daughter’s dad and I parted ways.

There were days that I simply did not know how to function. We were in a relationship for roughly four years, and we broke up when my daughter was two. I know…I know…“but what’s the tea sis? What really went down?” Tbh, what was going on was the universe pushing a butterfly out of her cocoon. And after the breakup I only had two options. I could either:

  1. Accept it, work on myself, pipe up my therapy sessions, and transform into all around bad bitch
  2. Harp on some shit that I can’t change and lose my dignity in the process

Option 2 is the easy way out. Rarely do I take the easy way out. My life has been full of challenges, and my momma raised a resilient ass bitch. So, I chose number one! And ever since I started doing the work I’ve grown so much and am a totally different person than I was during the breakup. I’ve made a commitment to curating a life that I love.

I am challenging you all to do the same!

If you have recently gone through a breakup, here are some tips on how to pick yourself back up and get in touch with the baddie that lies within:

  • Seek Therapy or Counseling. I’ve been seeing my therapist since I was 3 months pregnant. Once this event occurred, my biweekly sessions turned into weekly sessions. My therapist provided me with tools that I can incorporate into my daily routine that have helped me tremendously along my journey. Also, having an outside voice allowed me to see the relationship from not only my lens, but from the prospective of my ex. Yeah, this was some hard shit to deal with, but I am grateful for the opportunity to talk it out.

  • Get in tune with your spirituality. I turned to tarot and astrology to help ease the pain. As I stated earlier, I did not know how to function after all was said and done. I needed something to believe in that was higher than myself. One day I got so fed up with living in my head, that I drove to Barnes and Noble and purchased my first tarot deck and astrology book. From that day forward I made a commitment to my spiritual practice, and I am in a much better headspace because of it.

  • Learn a new hobby or skill. I was in graduate school during this time, and learning helped shift my focus. Luckily, the program I was enrolled in gave us the space to reflect on our personal journeys in addition to completing our degree requirements. Through various assignments and projects, I was able to dig deep — and I did not realize how much this was helping me in other areas of my life outside of academia. Picking up a new skill or hobby stimulates your brain and (better yet) will take your mind off of your ex!

  • Date yourself. Sometimes, you gotta put on that fashion nova dress and treat yourself to a sushi roll…or three. If the idea of going out to eat alone is too daunting, then get dolled up and cook yourself a fancy dinner at home! Have a spa day — or simply binge Moesha on Netflix. You have to start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you! You cant expect a partner to come and sweep you off your feet if you are not treating yourself like royalty!

  • Call the squadddd. Sometimes when we are in love, we forget about the people who love us unconditionally. Reconnect with your friends and family. The only people I wanted to be around during this time was my parents and sisters (biological and chosen). I didn’t realize how much I missed them, and I have made it my mission to do better with checking in and planning time to spend together.

As you can see, these tips have nothing to do with what the internet associates with being a baddie. I am a firm believer that how you feel on the inside will radiate outwardly. If you are putting in the work to build your confidence, it will become a natural reaction to place more value in your looks. Beauty only catches the eye. It’s the personality that captures the heart. This is the time to boss up! You’ve gone through a tough experience and you deserve baby! You deserve the opportunity to turn a “setback” into your biggest comeback!

I love to chat! In the comments, let us know the ways you healed after a breakup! And the tips you have for our friends who are in the midst of one.

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