I ain’t even gone hold ya….I’ve been craving an emotional connection that my casual partners do not provide me. I’m very keen on defining relationships and not crossing boundaries. If we have discussed our situation and have determined that we are just fucking, then we just fucking. Lol. Of course, we can have conversations outside of the bedroom but you must be careful and regulate your feelings. I do enjoy hanging out with my casual partners, however, there are emotional lines that are not to be crossed.
During the month of November, I was ready to cross alllll those lines. Sometimes when you are trying to fill a void, you end up in silly situations. I was outchea acting like I was 17 again with someone that I had no business even entertaining. They provided me with the extra attention that I was missing. Good morning texts, random FaceTimes just checking in and all that other mushy shit was going down and it felt amazing. I haven’t experienced that level of connectedness since my last relationship ended and I didn’t realize how much I missed that. I was caught up. And I liked it.
Until I was driving to my parent’s house. They live roughly 25 minutes from me so I figured this would be a good time to listen to an R&B playlist. Everything was going great. The first few songs on the playlist were dope so I was in the car lit af singing off-key. Lol. As I was headed to my parents, there was a small delay in traffic due to construction. Traffic was at a standstill and I zoned out for a second. The next thing I remember is hearing SZA beautifully sing:
All that I know is
Mirrors inside me
They recognize you
Please don’t deny me
Traffic resumes. Then here come Ty Dolla $ign with his cool ass:
Hit different when I’m sittin’ here
Alone, all by myself
Hit different when I think you might be
With somebody else
And it hit different
WELL READ ME THENNNN! It wasn’t until that moment the reality of the situation kicked in. We both were using each other. Using each other as an emotional outlet. Using each other to fill a void. Using each other to lie to ourselves. And that shit ain’t hot. I decided I had to end it. Friends, never play second fiddle to anyone. Under any circumstance. Overall the situation only lasted for a month and a half so it was fairly easy to let it go.
I love music. I see it as a form of therapy. Sometimes the universe speaks to us in mysterious ways. Ive listened to the song a million times but it was something about this steam that Hit Differnt. SZA and Dolla $ign got me together real quick. Lol. If a connection has you questioning your morals, then it’s probably best to end it.
Sometimes you gotta send them back to the streets! And keep it pushing.