When you’ve been spending more time than usual with your non-boo, boo or bae, things can start to feel a bit monotonous.

It may feel like the monotony is due to a lack of interest, when it could simply be a lack of inspiration. Think about when you fell for your partner or decided you wanted to explore them as a person. What about them piqued your interest? What was happening in the moment when you realized this? And what makes you think of them when you’re away from them? 

The answers to these questions could be the very clues you need to create more of an unpredictable vibe when it comes to sex. What comes to mind for me when I think of when I’ve had a thing for a non-boo, boo or bae? Music. The music that I choose to listen to lets me know how I feel or how I’d like to feel. 

It has the power to set and/or disrupt the vibe of any setting, particularly a sexual one. Think about Khia’s “My Neck, My Back” or Jodeci’s “Forever My Lady”. Now these two bops are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to sexual vibes, but they both have the power to make you feel a way. So one way that you could “keep it spicy” is think about the music that the two of you enjoy whenever you’re together. Is it Ari & Giveon? Or Sade & Maxwell? 

Figuring out the vibe is critical and can be the determining factor of whether your intimacy will feel nostalgic or brand new. Create a playlist, or listen to ours, while you think about the magic that you’ve made together. This level of  thoughtfulness will definitely start to set the mood.  

Setting the mood can start with listening to music, but it can also include the stimulation of other senses as well – starting with sight. Whether you enjoy being blindfolded  or taking it all in through your eyes, experimenting with sight can be a fun experience to share with your partner. Lingerie definitely has the power to stimulate (in more ways tan one) and, with so many options out there, you have the opportunity to switch it up pretty often.

If you’re considering introducing blindfolding into your experience(s), think about pairing this with new or familiar sounds. Blocking one sense has been known to heighten the others and our eyes play a pretty big role in helping us decide what we like and don’t like. So, yes, playing with sight during sex can add another level of spice. 

The next level could be taste. When we think of films where partners engaged in sex, the aphrodisiacs were always chocolate, champagne and strawberries. Every now and then, you got a cheese plate or some fruit. Anyway, tasting new food or a variety of food while wearing a blindfold could be fun too! You could ask your partner what it is that they think they’re tasting, introduce new bites and watch them try to figure it out. Sometimes the withholding will add to the mood too helping you to also explore power shifts which can be an element of fun as well. 

In addition to tasting, there’s smelling, which can be tricky because people are so particular about the scents that they enjoy. What could be fun here is smelling the scent of your partner, especially if that’s one of the things you enjoy about them. For me, scents are everything. They help me identify what people like and they trigger my memory. So I know almost instantly when people are wearing a new cologne or perfume.

Scents also play on pheromones, which have been said to be what really attracts us to the partners that we choose, almost as if the choosing happens for us. Collect some of your partners favorite scents, whether in the form of flowers, foods, incense, or candles and ask them questions about how it makes them feel or the first memory that comes to mind when they smell it. Taking this trip down memory lane could spark a sense of familiarity and that could be the trick for opening a new door sexually for the both of you. 

Last and certainly not least, because it’s my favorite, we have the touching aspect. Whew.

Touching can start off soft and end hard especially when you incorporate safe words or have discussions beforehand about limitations. (See our piece on consent.) It’s important to revisit consent while in the midst of sexual escapades because that’s more important and sexier than trying to “not ruin the mood”.

 Touching can be explored in many ways like with feathers, wax, fingers, tongues on any part of the body. It’s important to keep in mind what you’re comfortable with while also knowing how far you’d be willing to go with exploring new boundaries. 

Open conversation and trust are the foundation of a spicy sex life whether you’re together-together, together or not together. The level of commitment may influence what you’re willing to explore, but talking about it may open your eyes and your bounds. It’s our responsibility to prioritize our personal pleasure and to help our partners reach that of their own.

For many, sex has not slowed down during the pandemic, although it may be impacted by the range of emotions that people are feeling. Engaging in safe, protected and open-minded sex can become a new outlet for you and your partner – helping you to explore new levels of intimacy. Most of all being present in the experience is a sure fire way to keep it spicy with your non-boo, boo or bae during this panorama — I mean, pandemic.

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