Originally posted on BlackGirlBliss.com

You have probably heard or even believe that the size of a person’s vagina can be stretched out or made larger if they have many sexual partners.

That is completely untrue. The patriarchy gets a kick out of making feminine people feel inadequate and unworthy. What’s worse is that so many untrue things have been ingrained in us from an early age that we have trouble believing the truth when it is presented to us. (Our IG post on this topic got many comments from people – mostly women – who insist that loose walls are a real thing. Poor things.)

This myth shames women for being sexually active or having multiple partners, and asserts a false idea that being penetrated by a penis is so powerful that literally changes your anatomy. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The myth itself is inconsistent. A person’s vagina is only called “loose” when it is being insinuated that they multiple partners. A married person, however, isn’t told their vagina is loose for having frequent sex with their spouse.


The vagina is elastic and has folds like an accordion. When sufficiently aroused, the vagina lubricates and lengthens or expands, a natural physiological response in anticipation of penetration and to be able to fit a penis.

Once the sex is over and everybody cools down, the vagina returns back to its natural state.

Even after giving birth, no matter how many times or how large the baby is, the vagina may stretch slightly but not nearly enough to be detectable. The only exceptions to this would be if a woman experiences major tearing or large, deep cuts during delivery. Aging and menopause can also cause changes to the vagina, but again, not nearly enough to be a big deal.

It is unfortunate that the typical penetration experience often involves having to push a penis/toy into the vagina with a bit of force and it takes a little bit of time and a few pumps for the vagina to get “used to it” so that the sex can be enjoyable. This does not have to be the norm. When you are properly warmed up through foreplay and other activities prior to penetration, the penis, toy, or finger(s) should slip right in with little effort.

This is NOT an indication of looseness or lack of “walls” and any person who dares to tell you otherwise is tremendously ignorant and does not deserve you or your pum-pum.

And generally, “tight” vagina is not any goal to aspire to. When the vagina is tight, due to not being warmed up enough or some other documented injury, disorder, or abnormality, sex can be painful and you may risk tearing. More than likely, your vagina is perfectly tight enough for any partner to enjoy (unless they have a small penis…but that ain’t your problem). If pain, discomfort, or dryness is an issue, finding a lube you love can make a world of difference (we recommend this one. #NotAnAd).

Every vagina is unique, and it is up to you to be the expert on your own body parts, how they feel, and how they function, so that you don’t have to rely on someone else to report to you their experience of your body and let you know if everything is all good down there.

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